Faults and All
by unlikelyRLshipper
Summary: Lindsay's back from Montana, and it's time for Danny to come clean. This story deals with the shootout incident in 5.18, so spoilers up to that point.


**Hello again everybody! Thank you once again to those who read my previous story, and those of you who sent me encouraging reviews. All of you guys rock!!!!!!**

**OK, so this story deals with the aftermath of Danny's shootout sans vest in 5.18, but it takes place before his suspension in 5.22.**

**In the interests of full disclosure, I'm not completely happy with this story: it's not that I don't like it, because I do, it's just that it didn't work out quite as I envisioned. But since I'm a perfectionist, you're better off to just ignore me and my craziness/inseurity.**

**Anywho, I own nothing. ****All mistakes are my own.**

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**Faults and All**

It was finally here, the day Danny Messer was both been looking forward to and dreading – Lindsay was finally coming home. He was excited to see his wife of one month for the first time since the day after their impromptu city hall wedding. However, he was also terrified because he had yet to mention to the 8-months-plus pregnant Lindsay about his 'little' incident with Little Stevie.

Where he was involved in a shootout.

While not wearing a vest.

Even though Mac ordered him to stay with the truck and wait.

He was scared that if he told her, she would seriously reconsider staying married to him and letting him be around their daughter. It was for that reason, as well as not wanting to upset her when he couldn't reassure her in person that he was fine, that Danny lied to her when she called as he scrubbed the blood from his wedding ring. He tried as best as he could to mask the slight tremor in his voice, a task which was made easier by Lindsay taking over the conversation to replay her day to him. He almost forgot about the seriousness of what had transpired as he listened to her voice, but he didn't escape for long.

That night, the entire shootout replayed over and over again in Danny's head, causing him to wake up numerous times dripping in sweat. Each time, he would reach out to Lindsay, forgetting that she wasn't there, until he finally gave up on trying to sleep.

As the nights passed, he was waking up less, but instead spent the entire night tossing and turning, never able to get a restful sleep.

The night that Danny found out he and Lindsay were having a girl, the dream changed. This time, it was Danny lying in a pool of blood, desperately calling out for help before Little Stevie towered over him and finished him off.

This dream repeated itself for several nights, but 2 days before Lindsay's return, it continued on to Danny's funeral, where he watched a very pregnant Lindsay stand among his family and friends, showing no emotion but clutching her belly with both hands.

Danny woke up crying.

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The next night, despite his hesitance, Danny forced himself to try to sleep because he knew he had to work a full shift before going to get Lindsay.

_A little girl came running up to him, her curly brown hair flying everywhere. She stopped in front of him, her blue eyes staring into his._

"_Daddy, guess what?! I losted both my front teeth! See?!"_

_She grinned wide at him so he could see the gap in her mouth._

"_I hope that the tooth fairy comes tonight!"_

_From an unseen place behind him, Danny heard Lindsay's voice call out to their daughter. "Sweetheart."_

_The little girl yelled back to her mother. "Coming!" She looked at him again._

"_Mommy says it's time to go. I'll come back soon and tell you what the tooth fairy brought me. Bye Daddy, I love you."_

_Danny's perspective spun around and he watched his daughter lean forward and kiss a stone before skipping off to join her mother. No longer blocked by the little girl, he read the stone:_

_DANNY MESSER_

_NYPD_

_Loving Son, Brother, Friend_

_Husband and Father_

_Glancing down at the dates, he realized that he died the day of the shootout._

_Lindsay was still in Montana when it happened, and he had never met his daughter…_

Danny bolted upright in bed, sobbing uncontrollably.

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He dragged himself to work early, desperate to keep his mind off the terrifying nightmare. As he would have the next couple of days off, he spent his time catching up on reports. His co-workers popped in and out of the office he shared with Lindsay and gave him messages to pass on to her. These frequent interruptions also helped the day to pass quicker and keep his mind distracted, and it wasn't long before his shift was over and it was finally time to meet Lindsay at the airport.

Waiting at the gate, Danny became more and more anxious. When he finally saw Lindsay, he felt the tension finally leave his body, only to be quickly replaced by a compulsion to tell her what had happened.

She caught sight of him seconds later and her face lit up. Just as quickly, the tears started. She tried to waddle her way over to him, but he was quicker. Lindsay threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a fierce kiss before he could even figure out what was happening.

When the kiss ended, his hands came up to wipe her tears away before pulling her into a tight embrace (or as close to tight as you could realistically get with a very, very pregnant woman). He smiled against her neck as he felt several strong kicks connect dangerously low on his abdomen. He let go of Lindsay but grabbed one of her hands as he knelt in front of her protruding belly.

"No, I didn't forget about you. How's my baby girl doing?" Danny felt more kicks, this time against his hand. "I really missed you and Mommy." It felt like their daughter was doing the Can-Can in Lindsay's stomach, which made him smile.

He leaned forward to gently kiss her belly before standing, still holding Lindsay's hand, only to find his wife crying again.

"I guess I should've brought some tissues."

Lindsay smacked him on the arm – _hard_ – before snuggling into his side as he led them towards the luggage area.

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The ride back to their apartment consisted of Lindsay talking all about her trip, Danny only speaking now and again. He was content to just listen to her voice and hold her hand over the center console. The feeling of her wedding band against his palm made him look at his own ring. Remembering it covered in blood, Danny felt the fear rise up again about telling her.

Once in the apartment, Danny dropped her bags by the front door and they both headed straight for the bedroom, both exhausted despite the early hour. Lindsay went into the bathroom to get ready for bed while Danny sprawled out on the bed, smiling as he listened to Lindsay singing and babbling away to their daughter.

He unintentionally fell asleep, dreaming about the same little girl being chased by Lindsay through a park, hearing Lindsay's laughter mix with that of the little girl. The happy picture disappeared, replaced by the scene from the graveyard.

This time, the little girl's back was to Danny and he could see Lindsay standing by a nearby tree, watching the little girl at the stone. Wiping away her tears, she took a deep breath and called out to their daughter. Danny watched as they left the cemetery, leaving him all alone among the headstones.

Danny woke up at this point, terrified and crying, but happy that Lindsay was still in the bathroom, completely oblivious to what was going on. He recollected himself as quickly and as best as he could before Lindsay came out of the bathroom, informing him that it was all his.

The sound of Lindsay's voice was his undoing and Danny fell apart again, catching Lindsay completely off guard.

"Danny, what's wrong?"

His crying worsened and his response came out in choked sobs. Lindsay sat down beside him and took his shaking hand in hers.

"Babe, you need to calm down. I can't understand what you're saying."

Taking several deep breaths, Danny focused on their joined hands and began to speak.

"Linds, I'm so sorry about everything, for pushing you away after Ruben died, for thinking the worst of you when you were only trying to help me, for Rikki…oh God, I am _so_ sorry about what happened with Rikki. I should've told you about all this while you still had a chance to leave, with no strings attached…"

Danny's voice broke and his tears renewed. He tried to pull his hand from Lindsay's, but her grip only tightened at the gesture.

"Danny, look at me."

He clamped his eyes shut and shook his head, fearing the disappointment he was sure her eyes would hold.

"Look. At. Me. Messer."

Danny's head shot up at the demand and he looked at her, afraid to look anywhere else. To his surprise, her eyes held nothing but love in their warm brown depths.

Though the mention of Rikki had sparked a minor twinge of hurt deep within Lindsay, she pushed it back because she was determined to move on. She had already forgiven Danny, but she wasn't naïve enough to think that the hurt he had caused her would disappear so quickly. At this moment, however, she was more confused than hurt by what he had said.

"Danny, I already know about all this, even if you didn't tell me. It wasn't that hard to figure out what happened, and you didn't hide it all that well to be honest. Nevertheless, I appreciate the apology, but I'm a little confused. I've moved on, and I thought you had too, so we could focus on the future. Why are you dwelling on the past?"

"Because…because I don't understand why you're still with me! I'm such a screw-up! You tell me you're pregnant and I ask if you're sure. I propose to you after asking all these crazy questions and accuse you later on of not loving me because you turned me down. I do nothing but screw up and still you stay with me. Hell, you even married me, after I cornered you at city hall!

"Then, while you're gone, I go to a scene without my vest and get involved in a shootout with a guy armed with an automatic weapon, even though Mac told me to stay at the truck, and through sheer dumb luck I don't get shot! I get back to the lab and see that my ring is covered in blood, so I try and scrub it off when you call me. I pretend like nothing's wrong and I've been doing it ever since, but I'm not OK.

"I can't sleep because I either replay the shootout, see you at my funeral clutching your belly, or I see a little girl with your looks and my eyes kissing my headstone, a little girl I never met because I died in that damn shootout. I'm trying to be the guy you want me to be, but I don't think I can. You don't deserve this, Linds, you deserve someone…someone better than me."

Looking away from her to hide his pain, Danny failed to see the shock and anger cross Lindsay's face. Her grip loosened and Danny was able to free his hand, standing as he did so. Before he could take a step, Lindsay spoke, her voice taking on a dangerous edge.

"Sit your dumb ass right back down Messer and listen to everything I say! You had your say, now it's my turn and you better keep your damn mouth shut!"

Danny did as he was told and stared into Lindsay's hardest eyes, once again afraid to look anywhere else.

"You honestly think that I would've been able to walk away from you, no strings attached? Well, you're wrong. Baby or no baby, there would have been strings. From the day I met you, you've been slowly getting under my skin. Nobody's ever been able to do that because I keep people at a distance to protect myself, but you, you broke through.

"You're my best friend and the man I've wanted for so long now, so there's no way this could ever be a clean break. Even after Rikki, at the height of all the pain because of everything that had happened, I still couldn't keep you out. If I had been able to, I wouldn't be pregnant right now. My head screamed for me to cut all ties with you, but my heart refused.

"You really have no idea just how much I need you in my life, do you? I went home to Montana to see my family, to a place and to people that I love, but the entire time it felt like something was missing. That nagging feeling didn't go away until earlier today when I saw you at the airport waiting for me. My home now, and where I belong, is with you, and I never realized it until I was away from you.

"I love you Danny, plain and simple. I fell in love with you as you are, not because I thought I could change you into the 'perfect' man. You already are the perfect man for me, and you're just being who you've always been. We're both still adjusting to being married and the fact that we're gonna be new parents. We're gonna screw up sometimes – the both of us – hell, we may even hate each other at times, but we're not gonna give up just because it's hard sometimes. I knew going into this that you're impulsive and don't always think before you act, but that's what makes you, you.

"Having said that, what you did was really dumb and I know you know that. Nevertheless, I hope everyone ripped you a new one for it. But I think I know why you did what you did: it's not that you wanted to keep it from me, but you were afraid of upsetting me, and even more afraid that I'd rethink our relationship.

"I'm a big girl, Dan, and just because I look like a house and cry at the drop of a hat doesn't mean I can't handle things. I'm not leaving you because I'm in this…we're in this together, good and bad. When you put that ring on my finger, you got stuck with me for the rest of your life. Deal with the consequences."

No matter how hard he tried, Danny couldn't stop himself from smiling. Apparently, his knack for making her smile, even in bad situations and at the most inappropriate times, had rubbed off on her. Lindsay let herself smile too, her eyes no longer holding anger but a playful gleam, an expression that she had been really developing since meeting Danny. Silence filled the room for several minutes until Danny decided to take his chances and speak.

"How exactly are you taking all this so well? Because if I found out you had done the same thing, I'd be freaking the hell out!"

Taking a deep breath, Lindsay answered the question.

"Because I've had a lot of time to think about how I would react when you finally told me the truth. I found out about the shootout the next day, when Stella called me to make sure I was doing OK. She didn't have any idea that I didn't know and I didn't correct her. She relayed the gist of the story to me and asked if I yelled at you for being an idiot. I lied to her and said I did, but asked her not to embarrass you anymore than you already were by bringing it up again.

"After I got off the phone, I completely broke down – it freaked my parents out. I couldn't tell them what was wrong, so they assumed that something bad had happened to you. Dad was about to call Mac when I managed to choke out what you had done. Then, after saying it aloud, I got really pissed and I was determined to fly back to New York and kill you myself. They managed to stop me long enough to tell me that I should talk it through first, and when I hesitated, Dad promised that if I still wanted to kill you, he'd buy 2 tickets, come with me and help dispose of your body."

Danny looked ashamed. "I really owe your parents a huge apology and a gigantic thank you."

"Yeah, you do. Anyways, they convinced me that you probably didn't realize what you were doing because you were going on your instincts, because they knew the man they met after I testified would never jeopardize having a future with his wife and child. Mom was certain that it was tearing you up inside and she was right – you've been off ever since it happened and I could hear it in your voice, even though you tried to hide it. But you had to tell me yourself, it wouldn't have done any good to corner you and demand you tell me what happened.

"My parents convinced me that it was no good to dwell on what could have happened and that I needed to focus on what was real: I have a loving husband, a great job with supportive co-workers, an entire family who love me to bits, and in less than 2 months I'd be a mom and my life would never be the same."

Although he knew it was obvious, Danny felt he had to admit it aloud. "Yeah, I did try to hide what was happening with me, for exactly the reasons you said, just like I've always done. I didn't know what else to do, and frankly, I don't know what to do now either."

"I do." Taking his face in her hands, she elaborated. "We talk this whole thing out and then we move on and focus on what's in front of us, not on what we've done in the past or the mistakes we have made or will make. None of it really matters, not with this."

Removing her left hand from his face, she took his left hand and placed it on her belly, overlapping their hands. The image before him took his breath away: he saw both their hands, the moonlight gleaming off both their wedding rings, resting right over where their daughter was kicking away, trying to figure out why they were pressing on her.

Lindsay's voice filled the room again. "I married you because it's what I wanted. You may think I deserve better than you, but it doesn't exist. There's no better man for me in this world than you, so stop trying to convince me otherwise. Like I already said, I'm not going anywhere, so stop trying to get rid of me." Lindsay put on the most stubborn look she could muster, which caused them both to start laughing.

"I love you Linds, more than I think I could ever tell you."

"Actually, the line is '_more than I can say, even if I don't know how to say it_' but I'll forgive you for screwing it up because you're sleep deprived and look like shit."

"Thanks wiseass."

"You love it, don't even try and pretend like you don't. Now strip."

"WHAT?!"

"We're going to bed."

"Don't we need to finish this conversation?"

"It'll keep until morning. I'm exhausted, and like I already pointed out, you look like crap. We're running out of time to catch up on sleep, so listen to your wife and strip."

"Yes ma'am!"

Danny jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom before she could say anything. Coming back quickly, he did as he was told.

"Stop staring at my ass!"

He didn't need to turn around to know that Lindsay was blushing after having been caught. Now dressed only in sweats, he joined her in their bed, positioning them both to lay facing each other. Throwing his arms around her, he kissed her and said, "Thanks for loving me, faults and all."

"Right back at you, cowboy. Now close your eyes and go to sleep."

Danny looked her right in the face. "I'm scared."

"Don't worry 'bout it. I've got you, nothing bad's gonna happen. It's OK, Danny, I'm here. You're safe."

Encouraged by her sure smile, he poked her gently in the nose, whispered "Goodnight Montana" and closed his eyes. Lindsay closed her own eyes, whispering "Sweet dreams babe" as she did so.

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That night, they both slept soundly, comforted by each other's presence and a wonderful (and shared) dream.

_The little girl with blue eyes and curly brown hair, running through a park, giggled as she shouted "Mommy, Daddy, come get me!" Danny chased her down and gently tackled her to the ground. Lindsay came running up and fell on top of the pile, which caused the little girl to shriek with delight, trapped between her parents while they mercilessly tickled her. _

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**Thanks for reading!**


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